![]() The Imperial, the Walrus, the Stromboli, the Handlebar, the Horseshoe, the Mustachio (also called the Nosebeard or the Fantastico), the Pencil, also called (by idiots) the Mouthbrow-the catalogue is illustrious. My name is Rich Cohen, and I wear a Hitler mustache. I wanted to reclaim it for America and for the Jews. I grew it for the same reason Richard Pryor said the word "nigger." I wanted to defuse it. If you're a Jew, the Hitler mustache exists in the eternal present. I might talk about the re-emergence of facial hair on the world stage, or the rise of the "new anti-Semitism," or Holocaust denial in Iran, but, the fact is, my interest in the Hitler mustache never started and never ends. This is the part where I am supposed to explain just why I decided to write this story now. It was the history of our time retold as the story of the 'stache. It was a pinprick through which I could see the old scene from a fresh angle. The Toothbrush mustache offered a new way to look at the past. From that moment, I became wrapped up in facial hair, and the role it has played in politics. It was the mustache! From that moment, I stopped shaving. To which Dawkins (in essence) replied: both Stalin and Hitler wore mustaches-do we therefore think the mustache was the cause of their behavior? I experienced this as an epiphany: By Jove! I said to myself. A few nights earlier, I had seen Richard Dawkins, the author of The God Delusion, interviewed by Bill O'Reilly, who, citing Stalin and Hitler, said he thought atheists, because of their lack of restraining faith, were more susceptible to evil. An inch of hair that speaks of bottomless evil. Until I started this story, I had only one name for the thing in mind: a Hitler mustache.
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